THREE WISHES FOR A LOSER
I wish I'd never met you.
You caused such a lot of pain.
Sorrow, hurt & envy
were my part of the gain.
I wish I'd never met you.
For you torched my heart alive.
Your nakedness before me
is burnt into my eyes.
I wish I'd never met you.
Thought your love was for me,
but then you found the other
and left me here to bleed.
I wish I'd never met you.
I spoke the words with pain.
Wishing God would listen.
My wishing done in vain.
COMMENTARY: THREE WISHES FOR A LOSER
Where are you now, poet of the broken heart? Did you really think you have added something new to the world rhyme? Did you really think that your pain was the only pain? I've been in the same room as you, but I was not impressed.
VIRGINAL KIDS
Was it hard to make it clear,
for your friends to hear,
of my looks, of your fears.
Like a moth round a light.
Like Adam and Eve.
Passing ships in the night.
We looked so harmless.
Virginal kids
in a night of depravation.
But corrupted by our innocence,
we both ate from the apple
while God stood watching over us.
I never gave you the idea
this would be forever.
I got away from you,
but you had drugged me first.
You could never have stayed with me.
You wouldn't have lasted a day.
It was really for the best.
We will find somebody else.
COMMENTARY: VIRGINAL KIDS
"I leave a trail of broken hearts wherever I go," is scribbled on a
page in one of the notebooks.
THROUGH LOVE
It is hard to understand,
for an outsider,
second hand,
your beauty that is
like a muse to me.
No-one would see you,
no-one could see.
Blinded by their own ideas.
Deafened by their irrational fears
of everything that's different to them.
Of everything that's appealing to me.
I might no be the Adam of Eve.
I might not be your heart's thief.
Yet you'd teach me all you knew
without the apple.
And the innocence you radiate,
like a biohazard nuclear beam,
could never harm.
Just hurt through love.
COMMENTARY: THROUGH LOVE
Your sense of mysticism is daunting, poet, but you fail to note her part in this little drama you unfold. Whatever gave you the right to use biblical references in the first place? Is your love really so holy? Your failure to tell us what happened next is telling.
HOPE OF DESPAIR
(Aproachaphobia)
When I look for what I need,
it's never what it seems.
When I long for what I want,
it's you who haunts my dreams.
When I glare and watch you flare
you cannot pass me by.
Can't you see that when I stare
it's you who I want nigh?
The loneliness and apathy
I hide behind my smile
can only be impelled away
when you are at my side.
I need your love to make me whole.
Come drown away the fear.
And let me shed a teardrop
each day that you're not near.
COMMENTARY: HOPE OF DESPAIR
Again you make yourself the main focus of a love poem meant to be for someone else. This doesn't help you in the least. When will you learn that the world doesn't revolve around you? If you wish to charm someone, then look at her, not at your own reflection in the mirror.
A READER'S NIGHTMARE
I stood inside a library and looked
for a book by Graham Joyce.
The librarian shook her head and said:
"We have such an enormous range
of beautiful books, both classic & new.
All this nice literature, but you, but you.
Why want to read a book by him?"
Puzzled a bit I went out and looked
in a bookshop for Graham Joyce.
The assistant came up with Stephen King.
"'Cause why on earth would you read such a thing
as a book by Graham Joyce?"
Strangely bewildered (for both people knew
the author I was looking for.
But all they said, in essence, was:
"Why read Joyce when you have a choice?")
I walked into a bookstore so big
that I got lost somewhere amidst
all the Fiction/Horror there.
It was only one book amongst the millions they had
and it had his autograph on page number two
I then, to my surprise, found out.
COMMENTARY: A READER'S NIGHTMARE
In a reaction to criticism on this poem it says: "Who do you think you are, judging me? Who do you think you are, slagging me off? What do you think you are doing? What do you know about me? What do you know about my intentions? What are you doing looking for things that aren't there? I'm disgusted by your posh attitude. You fucked me up with what you did, you stupid, rubberfaced bastard"
THE BALLAD OF A SOULLESS MAN
Al Simmons was a soldier and
Obeyed his boss' commands.
Was also a relentless one,
Had blood on both his hands.
This soldier also had a friend
And Chapel was his name.
They'd leave a total bloodbath at
The places that they came.
Al Simmons was a married man.
Her name was Wendy and
He loved her o! so very much.
His love would never end.
But one day blackest clouds had formed
Above Al Simmons' head.
He didn't notice that they'd formed
Till Chapel shot him dead.
In Hell he begged to see his wife.
"I'll give you my black psyche!
I beg you please let me go back
And let me see my wife."
The Archfiend meanwhile played a trick.
"Go see your little wife.
Your wish is granted, you poor fool."
He brought Al back to life.
The catch, though, was that time in Hell
Has no directed flow.
What seems one day to man in Hell
Could be six years back home.
With six years gone his wife had found
And married his best friend.
And Simmons, he felt real screwed up.
He thought this was the end.
The end? No it was far from that,
Because although he'd died
He now walked with the breathing men
And they were petrified.
'Cause when Al Simmons was killed off
His face became deformed.
The Devil never had restored
Him to his bygone form.
And now Al Simmons roams the earth
In his wretch'd undead shape.
A fucked up vigilante dressed
In chains and blood red cape.
COMMENTARY: BALLAD OF A SOULLESS MAN
This hybrid between the classical ballad form and a comic book is interesting, but you didn't note it yourself back then. At least you finally got rid of your false sense of religion and replaced it with the poetic version of the common cold. Bless you.
TO MYSELF
When I come back to you
I hope you know that I still love you too
And I'll come back to you
Regardless of the things I have to do
I hope you see that you and me
Could never be forever true
When I drink wine with you
I see you feel the romance and the truth
And I'll drink wine with you
Cotes du Rhone, 'cause that is cheap and good
The tv on, the sun long gone
And I have won the key to you
When I make love to you
I know you feel the same love that I do
And I'll make love to you
Just not in body, but in mind & thought
'Cause don't you know I have to go
And please don't blow the love you caught
When I lie close to you
And see you cry, you know it breaks me too
And I'll lie close to you
When I think back of all the things we did
I hope you know I loved you so
And never show the things we hid
When I write back to you
And stain the paper with a thing or two
Then I post the thing
And hope you write to me about something
What? I don't care as long as there
Is a letter from you to me
When I come back to you
I hope you know that I will leave you too
COMMENTARY: TO MYSELF
You have shown a great deal of progress in your work by finally acknowledging whom you are writing for. Still, you are toying with conflicting emotions too much to be taken seriously at all. Here you have lost the purity of the single subject and pages are scattered all over the place.
MY TRAIN LOVE
I want to be with you oh, catch my eye
Please look at me, don't pass me by
I saw you at the station & I thought you cried
I saw your beauty & tried to catch your eye
You didn't notice me although I stood out
A couple of heads over the rest of the crowd
I caught the train you caught & tried to sit close
But your booth was occupied by a Nose
I saw him stare at you the way I did
I didn't like it, not one single bit
The train was stopping & I'd have to get off
But I changed my mind when I saw the Nose get up
I went & sat with you to put my arm
warm around you, my crying charm
But then I heard you sigh and I didn't dare
To try & comfort you with my love & care
I got my book out and I really tried to hide
That behind the pages I broke down & cried
I want to be with you oh, catch my eye
Please look at me, don't pass me by
COMMENTARY: MY TRAIN LOVE
Is rhyme really that important to you? Did you really have to find something that rhymed with close? You should have opted for 'overdose' instead and not finished this piece until you were old enough.
JOIN ALONG
I'm sick of do-dah lalalala & join along
Lalalalala refill your glass & carry on
Lala don't worry lalala & all's okay
Don't be depressing look outside 'ts a sunny day
But when all is said & done what more can I do
Then just to step in line & join along with you?
Watch out I'm dreaming ballroom halls & crystal light
And smiling people. nuclear bombs & genocide
You think I'm crazy, I suffer some fidelity
Well, you're mistaken, it's my point of view that you can't see
I'm sick of you, yeah, grab your clothes & fuck off home
Don't wanna hear you - I just want to be alone
Hey! you're not smiling, something wrong, all's not okay?
Oh! what a pity! Look outside 'ts a sunny day
But when all is said & done what more can I do
Then just to step in line & join along with you?
COMMENTARY: JOIN ALONG
I will not join along. Is this your version of social commentary? Is this your attempt at changing the world. You are not an idealist, but an opportunist, as speaks clearly from these lines. "Lalala's" never did anything for anyone.